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dude des hashischins's avatar

I wanted to say something cool and intelligent about the essay but instead i’ll say i love your writing 😄 it felt like a conversation and the jokes sprinkled in gave my brain a break. “(if you don’t have the dexterity to split a grain of salt you shouldn’t take it at all)).”- i think i rawdogged the article too hard and need to read it again with a corpuscle of salt because i know very little about the subject!

Teddy's avatar

This was an entertaining read! As someone with level 1 ASD who had a multi year long psychotic break at 18 I want to add my experience to add to this point:

"The minimal self is this tacit assumption that your thoughts are your own, your body is your own, and your experience is your own."

One of the major delusions I had during my episode of psychosis was that I was a parasite (a Baldur's Gate worm it you will) in a literal sense. I thought that I had killed the prior host of the body I was in and was extremely paranoid that everyone would find out. I had zero emotional attachment to my loved ones and was intentionally trying to imitate the pre-psychotic-break self.

Ironically that delusion also functioned as a narrative explanation for how I experience life as an Autistic person. I spend a lot of time feeling detached from my humanity and imitating others to fit in with the "real" humans (neurotypicals). I fear people IRL finding out that I'm clinically weird and struggle to empathize or connect with others.

The hyper specificity of sensory input into my brain furthers this feeling that I am not me. I feel very intensely that my actual self (or the seat of my soul) is directly behind the center of my brow bone about two inches deep. I've felt this since I was a child. Which is interesting to me considering the amount of neuroscience research into dysfunction and connectivity of the frontal lobe in Autistic people. Because I have processing delays that effect motor control I often feel more like I'm in a faulty mecha meat suit then the owner of my own hands and feet. Like the differences in that part of my brain literally define my entire life.

It really is wild how similar my experiences of psychosis and my day to day life as and Autistic person have been. The mostly differ in how the (sensory/social) information is interpreted.

P.S. "diameter-ically" was funny af

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